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Honoring Missed Motherhood: Loss, Choice and Creativity

Kani Comstock in collaboration with Barbara Comstock

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Missed Motherhood

Discussion Guide

Millions of women go through life hiding or denying the feelings   that result from the loss of a pregnancy through miscarriage or abortion, the inability to conceive, giving up a child for adoption or the choice not to have children. Roughly 75% of women in the U.S. fall into one or more of these categories of missed motherhood, although many have a child at some point.

Rather than being able to explore and express their feelings and receive the support they need to integrate their losses and create joyful lives, these women often suffer in silence, and so does our entire society. The authors—two sisters—use their own experiences, along with those of 12 other women, as a starting point for a much larger story. Their healing journeys are followed by specific steps that readers can take to create a culture of understanding and support so countless women can move out of the closet, grieve their losses, experience their wholeness and move into joy.

Women who chose not to have children should be supported in their choice, as well as those who become mothers or those who couldn’t. We need a cultural understanding and structure that allows and encourages the healing journey to be shared and supported by community. This book is a step toward that goal.

This book is a must for any woman who does not have children, whether by choice or not! Infertility, career and other life choices are examined within a spiritual context. The author, in a vulnerable and engaging way, guides us through the maze of feelings, societal expectations and breakdowns, into the joy of breakthroughs, healing and triumph of spirit.
                                    — Tamar Geller, New York Times bestselling author

All of us endure loss an endless number of times throughout life. Missed motherhood is one that leaves particularly deep scars. This book connected me with my ‘missed fatherhood’ from five years of failed infertility treatments and two failed adoptions, which took their toll, although I have great children. Both by example and offering tools, the authors demonstrate how to transform this intense experience and create a full and rich life. Their insights are worth looking at very closely.            

                                     — David Hanscom, M.D., author of Back in Control

Through compassionate and open hearted sharing, the authors have created an amazing and insightful presentation of what it means to belong to the ‘sisterhood’ of missed motherhood. Over the years, women have come to me for spiritual counseling for one reason, only to discover the root of their deep unhappiness was not having the opportunity, due to various circumstances, to care for a child. They would have treasured this book, as will those to whom I will gift it now, as an affirmation of the work we will do together to strengthen their self-image as a person of value and substance. This book will touch the hearts of women, and men, everywhere.”                                                   — Rev. Sherry Lady, Unity of the Valley Church, Eugene, Oregon



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